Thursday, August 22, 2013

You Don't Care -- The Minnesota Barking Ducks

It was sometime a long time ago while I was in college at the University of Minnesota (don’t all these stories take place back then?).  I was hanging out with my buddy and new Blues convert Wad. (See Albert Collins post from May 1, 2012.  Wad was the skeptic in that post).  Wad was the only self nicknamed guy I knew.  His real name was Johnny.  When my other college buddies and I met Johnny for the first time, we all jokingly referred to him as Johnny “The Wad” Holmes.  He thought that was funny and made sure the moniker stuck.

Anyway, Wad and I had just closed the bar someplace on the West Bank and, as always, we went to the one place in all of the Twin Cities where one could count on get something to eat 24-hours a day--White Dog.  Otherwise known as White Castle.

Those who have been to a White Castle need no description.  For those who are not familiar with White Castle, then you must continue reading.

White Castle is a fast-food burger joint and was one of the few places one could find food after Last Call.  Because of this, there was typically a huge “after party” at White Castle.  The place would be packed with some of the strangest characters this side of a Charles Bukowski novel.  We would wait in line for what seemed like hours just to order “sliders with vinyl, death chips and a large battery acid.”

On this particular night when Wad and I showed up at White Dog, it was strangely quiet and empty.  It was just Wad and me, a couple other people, some big galoot sitting by himself and this rolly polly security guard who I’m pretty sure was slightly retarded. 

Suddenly these two clowns enter the place loudly and obnoxiously.  They were clearly beyond wasted.  There was one guy in particular who just wouldn’t shut up and was very irritating.  He was hassling the folks behind the counter and generally making an ass out of himself.  It was uncomfortable for everyone.

Oddly enough, the security guard didn’t do anything.  He was useless.  This loud obnoxious guy caught onto the fact that the security guard wasn’t doing anything so he started to intentionally provoke the guard from across the room.  He called him “fat” and “a retard” and a handful of other insults.  Still the security guard did nothing.  He didn’t get on the phone and call the cops to report this guy or anything.  Wad and I just watched as he begrudgingly took the abuse.  Honestly, he wasn't up to the job of night time security guard.

The drunk asshole got up and started looking for something in his pockets.  Just then I noticed the big galoot, who had been sitting quietly by himself, get up.  He walked up to the counter and asked for a large cup of water.  He took the cup of water, walked towards the drunk asshole and tossed the whole cup in the asshole’s face.  

Before the asshole knew what hit him, the galoot started pushing him around the restaurant.  “I’m sick of you giving that guy shit!” He shouted.  The rolly polly security guard turned his back and walked out into the parking lot.

The big galoot shoved this guy over tables and then onto the floor.  He never punched him, but as the drunk asshole attempted to get back to his feet, the galoot kicked him in the ass and the force of it sent the jerk head first into one of the doors exiting the White Castle.  The clanking of that idiot’s head against the door rattled the whole building.

The big galoot then picked the guy up and tossed him out the door.  Wad and I quickly dumped our trays in the garbage can, got up and went outside to see the rest of the ass whooping.  When we got there, the big galoot had pretty much made his point and was getting ready to bolt before the cops showed up.  Wad and I yelled out to him, “Way to go man!”  He graciously said “thanks” as he ran off into the night.

So even though there was almost no one there, I could still count on White Dog to deliver another interesting evening.

If I recall correctly, I had dragged Wad over to the West Bank to see the fantastic Minnesota Barking Ducks play some Blues.  So, in commemoration of the White Dog beat down, here are the Minnesota Barking Ducks.

Well, for some fucking reason, my uploaded Barking Ducks songs won't show up in Blogger.  Therefore you have to click on the link below.  Thanks.

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